I’ve been called a lot of things throughout my lifetime. There’s Hannah, of course, sister, friend, cousin, girlfriend, daughter, wife. Sometimes Han, sometimes Hanny. A certain best friend calls me Boofy, but that’s a story for another day. Through every stage and page of my book, you’ll find an endearing name defining each chapter.
As of today, Mom is my favorite. But Survivor will be the one I am the most proud of.
To you, that may seem backwards, or unfair. For anyone who is a mother, or a parent, that is your highest honor. Your greatest achievement. Honestly, there shouldn’t be another title that transcends this. For those of us who choose parenthood, we become who we think we were meant to be the moment that tiny baby is placed in our arms.
But I didn’t choose to have to survive breast cancer. Soon, I will be a survivor and a mother. A survivor who fought with everything I had because of the little girl who gave me my favorite title of them all.
For the one who calls me Mommy, I am still her safe place. We still sing Itsy Bitsy Spider and point at all the different colored flowers on our neighborhood walks. We still eat our cheese snacks and build castles for Elsa in the living room. Even as I was being shaped into a Survivor, I was always Mama. To her, nothing changed. Nothing needed to change. I was still right there, loving her the best way I could, every day.
“Mom” means fun. “Mom” means making bad days good again. “Mom” means drying tears. “Mom” is my favorite for so many reasons.
“Survivor” made me fight for it. “Survivor” is my badge of courage. “Survivor” means the sacrifices I made to make sure that my family gets to keep calling me Mom for a long, long time. For the days when living room castles turn into dance recitals. When dance recitals turn into first dates and driving tests. When I get to hold my baby’s hand while she walks down the aisle.
Mom is my favorite because of everything I get to be. Her refuge. Her constant. Not just any mom. Stella’s Mom.
Survivor will be the one I am most proud of because of everything I endured to keep being Mom. To keep being me.
I think I can safely say I have earned both. In our story, they will forever be intertwined.
Hopefully, one day, Stella calls me a new one.
Hero.
I think we’d both like that the most.
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